


Being Human

by ASociallyAwkwardDuckling



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Hope you like angst, Semi-Based on a Headcanon, Slow Burn, but also fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-02-07 22:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12850488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASociallyAwkwardDuckling/pseuds/ASociallyAwkwardDuckling
Summary: Touka goes missing for nearly two years and when she finally returns something about her - both physically and mentally - has changed drastically. She seems scared of everything. Jumping at noises, sounds, and even her own shadow. Even her own biology seems to have been altered by whatever occurred during the two and a half years that she was missing.





	1. "I'm Home"

The small Cafe was well lit from the inside and the figures of several people could be seen by the person standing just outside. Their appearance caused many of the people walking by to keep their distance. Their shoulder length hair was dirty and matted and their clothes were much of the same. She an oversized winter coat, and a pair of equally oversized jeans both were worn and dirty. Sporting tears in several places and frayed edges. Under the jacket was an equally oversized t-shirt and on her feet was a pair of shoes. The shoes in question were an off-white with soles so worn that they had holes in them. She moved forward pushing the door to cafe open with a fingerless-gloved hand. The door chimed as they entered the cafe taking in the smell of coffee and the talking that died down as the door closed behind them.

“I'm sorry but we're close-” the voice belonged to a young man with black hair and an eye patch who trialed off followed the sound of a teacup as it broke against the floor as he took in the woman's appearance “Touka!?”

The woman, Touka, smiled a weak smile as she looked up at the man, “I’m back.” 

A multitude of voices filled the room causing Touka to back up in shock as the voices overlapped into unintelligible chatter and the group of people crowded around her. Touka felt her breath come in gasps and her heartbeat speed up as the questions began to overwhelm her.

“Enough.” A quiet yet firm voice spoke and suddenly the room was enveloped in silence. An older gentleman moved forward the crowd parting for him as we made is way toward Touka. The man had white hair and wore the cafes uniform.

Touka found herself relaxing as she took in the familiar face and voice, “Mr. Yoshimura. I’m Ba-” The words died on her lips as her legs gave out and she collapsed to the ground unconscious.

Touka’s eyes fluttered open the feeling of something soft against her skin causing her to look down. She saw that the dirty clothes she had been wearing had been removed leaving her nearly completely naked. She only had her dingy underwear and a soft cotton blanket covering her form. She pulled the blanket up just in time for the door to open and Yoshimura to enter followed by the enter Anteiku staff. Touka watched as Yoshimura turned to them and said something to them causing them to turn and leave. When Yoshimura turned back to her he was holding something in his hands and as he moved closer she was able to make out that it was a pile of clothes. She watched as he set the clothes on the coffee table giving her a smile, “Here are some clothes for you. I asked Kaneki to go get you some food, okay.”

Touka nodded and watched as Yoshimura left the room leaving her to get dressed on her own. Touka swung her legs over the edge of couch letting the blanket fall to her lap. She reached forward grabbing the item of clothing from the top of the pile and letting it fall open revealing it to be an oversized sweatshirt. She pulled it on before unfolding the second article of clothing revealing a pair of sweats. She did the same with those and then let herself collapse back onto the couch. Just as she collapsed onto the couch the door opened and Kaneki entered the room holding a tray with a covered plate. He set it on the coffee table grinning at Touka as he pulled the cover off revealing a hunk of human flesh. Touka barely managed to keep from outwardly gagging and swallowed the throw up that entered her mouth. 

“You can leave now.” Touka said looking up at Kaneki, “I think I’d prefer to eat alone.” 

The smile fell from his face and he nodded, “Oh right of course. I’m just so happy to see you. I thought I’d never see you again.” Touka watched as Kaneki left the room leaving Touka alone with the bleeding pile of flesh. The moment the door was securely closed Touka stood up picking the plate and walking over the only trash can in the room. Trying to keep from gagging from the smell alone she tilted the plate and watched as the meat slid into the garbage. She then used the plate to move thrash over it in an attempt to hide the evidence of her crime. Touka returned to her spot placing the plate back on the tray and the cover over it before picking it up and moving toward the door. She exited the room heading toward the front of the cafe where she heard the sound of voices. The voices came to an abrupt stop when she entered the front room and all eyes were on Touka causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end.

“I finished.” Touka spoke trying to keep the lie out of her voice.

“Wow, that was fast.” Kaneki said and Touka swallowed trying to keep herself from showing how nervous she was.

“I was really hungry.” She said as Yoshimura took the tray from her hands.

“I’ll get you something more to eat.” Yoshimura spoke and panic flooded Touka twisting her stomach in disgust. 

“No!” She yelled and everyone was suddenly staring at her in confusion and shock. “I mean, No, I’m  _ that  _ hungry.” Touka laughed and the tension seemed to fade from the group. “Besides we can only spare so much, right?”

Yoshimura smiled at Touka setting a hand on her shoulder, “Right.” Touka felt a weight lift from her chest and she let out a breath when Yoshimura leaned in a whispered, “I’ll bring you something to eat later tonight.” Panic rushed through Touka’s veins as Yoshimura stood upright saying, “So why don’t you go get some rest.” Touka wanted to say that she was really fine. That she didn’t need more food. That she wasn’t hungry. But she also didn’t want to arouse suspicions. She didn’t want them to find out the truth and lose the only family she had. So Touka nodded and headed back to the lounge where she laid down on the couch. She tried to sleep but the panic she felt kept her from getting any sleep. 

Touka wasn’t sure how long had passed when the sound of the door opening caused her to sit up and see Yoshimura enter the room followed Yomo. Panic and adrenalin once again flooded Touka’s system as she watched Yomo walk over the trashcan, crouch down and start to sift through it. He eventually stood up and nodded at Yoshimura who then left the room leaving Touka alone with Yoma.  _ ‘Oh god, what’s going on? Is he going to kill me? Am I going to die? After everything I’ve been through this is how I die.’  _ The sound of something being set on the coffee table drew Touka’s attention and she saw a silver tray with three plates one was stacked with sandwiches, another had cookies, and a third had vegetables and fruits. There was also two cups and a pot like the kind Anteiku used to serve coffee in. 

Yoshimura poured two cups and handed one to Touka before turning to Yomo, “Guard the door. I don’t want anyone listening in on this conversation.” Yoma gave a silent nod and moved to keep a lookout. Touka took a small sip from the coffee eyeing the food on the platters. “Help yourself. I made this all for you.” Touka set the cup down reaching for one of the sandwiches taking a bite only to find herself shoving the entire thing in her mouth nearly choking on it when she failed to chew enough. She grabbed her cup of coffee chugging it before grabbing another sandwich and repeating the process with a little more grace and less choking. 

As Touka swallowed her third sandwich she wiped the tears from her eyes, “How’d you know?” Yoshimura simply smiled and Touka couldn’t help but smile back, “Of course. You always know.” 

“I won’t ask for you to explain what happened just that you tell me why you felt you couldn’t trust me?” Yoshimura asked and Touka looked down at her lap clenching her hands into first.

“I didn’t want to lose the only family I have. I didn’t want to lose the only people I trust because of something didn’t have a choice in.” Touka spoke a tremor in her voice and feeling a burning in her eyes as she tried to keep the tears at bay. Suddenly Touka was pulled into a hug and she looked to find Yoshimura had wrapped embraced her in a sudden hug. 

“You don’t have to worry, Touka. A family looks after each other no matter what circumstance befalls one of its members.” Yoshimura spoke and Touka let out a gross sob as all the worries she had felt fell away. She sobbed into Yoshimura’s shoulder who rubbed soothing circles into her back. 

And as Touka continued to sob into his shoulder she knew she was finally home. “I’m Home."

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on my headcanon that because Kakuhou is the thing that makes a ghoul a ghoul and if you put one in a human they become a ghoul so logically thinking if you take the Kakuhou from the ghoul they should become human. So this is my take on what might happen if a ghoul(namely Touka) became human


	2. "I'm Human"

In the weeks that had followed her return to Anteiku Touka had fallen back into the comfortable rhythm that had filled her life preceding her abduction. Making coffee and serving customers easily put Touka’s mind at ease letting her forget the horrors that she had gone through if only for a few hours. Currently, she was chopping lemons for an order of tea when she went to cut one more slice when the knife slipped cutting into the side of her hand. Touka watched as blood pooled up out of the small cut and Touka threw the knife down. She grabbed a towel from the rack pressing it to her bleeding appendage running toward the bathroom. 

She turned on the water and unwrapped her hand letting the water wash over it. Touka watched as the water turned red as she washed her the blood from her hand. Eventually, she pulled her hand out from the water turning off the faucet pressing the towel back into their hand. They moved into the into one of the stalls closing and locking it behind her. She leaned against the wall sliding down to the floor cradling her hand against her chest. 

Touka sobbed quietly trying not to make any noise as she slowly rocked back and forth. It wasn’t that it hurt. No, it was what the cut signified that caused Touka pain. She had cut herself on a knife and if she shouldn’t be able to do that. Two years ago that wouldn’t have happened but it had and this just seemed to solidify her situation. She was human. She was human and there was nothing she could do about it. 

The sound of the door to the bathroom door banging open against the wall as someone entered causing Touka to jump and let out a startled shriek which she was quick to muffle, doing her best to stay as quiet as possible as the sound of footfalls echoed through the bathroom.

“Touka? Are you in here?” Came the quiet and caring voice of Kaneki as he slowly pushed open one of the stalls only to find it empty and Touka held her breath. “If you're here can you let me know. We’re all really worried.” He pushed open another stall slowly getting closer to the one she was hiding in. She tried to will him away but the sound of footsteps got closer and closer until they came to a stop in front the stall she was hiding in. The fact that she was hiding in the bathroom stall was already embarrassing enough on its she didn’t need Kaneki to see that she had been crying as well. He gently knocked on the door and said in his quiet voice, “Hey I know you're in there. I can see you under there door.”

“Go away,” Touka muttered from her place curled up between the toilet and the wall. She didn’t want to be seen like this. She didn’t want anyone to see her looking so... _ weak.  _

Another round of knocking and Kenki spoke, “You know I can fit under the door, right? Don’t make me crawl in there with you.” He added a laugh on the end of his words but Touka could tell he was serious. That he wasn’t joking. Reluctantly she stood her hand still pressed into the now bloody rag. Kaneki's eyes widen when he took notice of bloodstained rag, “Touka, what happened?” 

Touka gingerly removed the rag from her hand revealing the shallow cut that had long stopped bleeding but still throbbed slightly. She looked up at Kaneki and whispered, “I’m Human.”

* * *

 

“You’re Human!?” Nishiki practically growled, slamming his hand into the counter causing Touka to flinch. She did that a lot more lately. Flinching at any loud noise or sudden movement. She hated how scared she felt at every little thing. Every sound made her jump, every sudden motion made fear and adrenaline spike, and every shape seen from the corner of her eyes sent waves of paranoia through her system. Touka nodded slightly not trusting her mouth to say anything without stumbling over her words. “How is that even possible!?” 

Touka shook her head, “N-no I don’t.” Nishiki frowned and let out a low growl which caused Touka to bow her head, avoiding eye contact, “I’m sorry.” 

A hand on her shoulder caused Touka to look up into Mr.Yoshimura’s eyes who was smiling gently down at her, “No need to apologize. Just tell us what you remember.” 

Touka looked away, frowning and then looked back at the older ghoul, “Do I have to?” 

He shook his head and continued to smile gently, “Of course not. It would just help us to understand exactly what you’ve been through.” 

Touka avoided eye contact again pressing her lips together before glancing up, “Can I not? I just really don’t like remembering.” 

Yoshimura nodded, “Of course. Why don’t you turn in for the day? We can manage without you.” 

“Are you sure?” Touka asked, “I can keep helping if you-” She was cut off when Yoshimura held up his hand in a stop motion. 

“Yes. I’m sure. Go rest in the back room.” He lowered his hand and stood up, “We’ll get you if we need you.” Touka reluctantly stood up and headed toward the back room. Once she reached the room she took one finally look over her shoulder at the group of ghouls who her talking among themselves before entering the room. She leaned against the closed door slumping to the floor and looking at her freshly bandaged hand. 

She let out a stuttering breath, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around her knees. She was human. She was human and there was nothing she could do to change that but what was going to change between her and the ghouls of Anteiku because of it? That was the real question. The one that kept Touka from falling alseep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. This story just hasnt been at the forefront of my to write list but I've finally updated it. I tend to focus more on my more popular fics first so this ended up on the back burner but I managed to push this chapter out. Enjoy!!


	3. "I'm Back"

About week had passed since it had come to light that Touka was now human. Or as human as a ghoul could get. Touka didn’t want to dwell too much on the semantics of it because thinking about the why meant thinking about the how. Touka didn’t want to think about the how. Not now, not ever. Touka knew that eventually Yoshimura, as well as the rest of Anteiku, would want to know what had happened to her but she wasn’t ready to relive it just yet. She didn’t know if she ever would be and the tension that had formed between her and the rest of the coffee shops staff didn’t make her feel any more at ease. 

She used to feel the most at ease while working at Anteiku. It had been her safe place but now nowhere was safe. Anteiku was just the place she felt the least scared these days. Less like every little noise and sound was going to jump out and attack her. She still flinched every time the door to the shop opened but managed  _ not  _ to hide under the counter everytime someone entered the building. She was really proud of herself for that. 

At two weeks after the revelation that she was human Touka had fallen into a routine. She would wake up from a nightmare around four and would quietly shuffle out of the backroom to find something to eat in the shop. After finding a couple of sandwiches left over from the previous day and making a pot of coffee she would sit down and eat in silence. Just enjoying the quiet stillness of the early morning. No loud noises or sudden movements. It had come to be her favorite part of the day. After finishing her food she would clean the dishes and the check the time. It was usually nearly five by the time she finished so she would head back into the back room and get dressed in her uniform before heading out and starting to set up. Yoshimura usually headed down to open up shop around 5:30 so she wasn’t too worried about being alone for too long. Touka didn’t like being alone for extended periods of time. It made her feel incredibly on edge. 

“Ah, Touka awake before me again.” Yoshimura’s voice coming from behind her caused her to to jump slightly but not as much as it had the first few times it had happened. She was getting used to Yoshimura sneaking up behind her every morning. 

Touka turned around a gave him a shaky smile, “Yeah. I couldn’t sleep.” 

“You know I’ve heard chamomile tea does wonders for insomnia.” Yoshimura said as he began to help her set up the shop. 

Touka laughed, “I don’t have insomnia.” 

The ghoul manager quirked a brow at her, “Is that so?” Touka cursed her stupidity. She shouldn’t have said anything. 

“Yeah, I just...” Touka let out a breath. What was the harm of telling him? This was Yoshimura after all. “I’ve just been having nightmares is all. I don’t want to sleep longer than I have too.” Yoshimura nodded sagely and said nothing which only put Touka more on edge. “Aren’t you going to ask me why?” 

“No, I won’t. I figure you’ll come to me when you're ready to talk. Until then I’ll just be grateful that you’re alive.” Touka didn’t want to cry. She had done to much crying since she had returned to them but she couldn’t stop the tears. She struggled to wipe the tears away but they just kept coming. Suddenly, Yoshimura pulled Touka into a tight embrace, pressing her face against his chest and placing a comforting hand on the back of her head while using his other to press a comforting pressure onto her back, “Its okay to cry, Touka. You went through something traumatizing. You have every right to be scared. To be scarred.” Touka buried her face further into Yoshimura’s face grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. 

“I’m so scared.” She took in a stuttering breath before continuing, “Scared of everything, all the time.” Touka pulled away wiping away her tears once more, “I don’t know what to do.” 

Yoshimura placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and Touka looked up at him, “You don’t need to know what to do. You just need to know that we’re all here for you. No matter what. Understand?” Touka nodded and Yoshimura smiled, “Alright then. Let’s get this place ready to open.” 

At three weeks Touka stopped feeling safe, or safer at least, in Anteiku. It was mostly Nishiki’s fault. Though she would never openly admit it. He didn’t seem as...understanding as the others seeming to make a point of slamming trays down a little harder than necessary and slamming the pantry door closed. The fear that he might break the Anteiku treaty and attack her was prevalent in her mind every day. And then there was the paranoia. The Paranoia haunted her every day. The feeling that every person who walked through the door would be one of her captors and would jump on her. The fact that she couldn’t tell the ghoul’s from the human’s anymore. Any of the customers who stepped through the door could be a ghoul and any one of them could decide that she looked rather tasty. 

The day was winding down with the afternoon rush having come and gone and the sun having set below the horizon. Touka always looked forward to this time of the day. It was when business slowed down and people stopped coming in. After around five Anteiku usually only got a couple customers coming in and by an hour before closing, nobody was coming in. She enjoyed the quiet of the late night and early mornings when there were little to no people coming in. It made her feel almost normal again. 

It was currently about fifteen minutes to closing now and Touka was bustling around the shop cleaning up tables and picking up dirty plates that had been left. She was so far into her routine, not expecting anyone else to come in, that when the sound of the overhead bell rung Touka nearly jumped out of her own skin. Her heart beat in her chest and she struggled to breathe. This happened sometimes. People came in half til closing wanting a coffee to go before heading home from work. Or heading to work. It was okay. She was okay. Setting the rag she had been cleaning the table with and turned to the person who had come inside only to feel the air leave her lungs. 

There standing in the doorway was Yoriko. She looked different somehow. Maybe it was her hair, it seemed longer. Maybe she was taller or thinner. But no matter what had changed it was Yoriko. Her Yoriko. The best friend she hadn’t see in two and a half years. They locked eyes and Yoriko gasped. Touka knew she looked different. She knew her hair was longer. Much to0 long for her liking. She knew she was taller. Not by a lot but taller then she had been in high school. She knew she was thinner. She had stood in front of a mirror in mornings and stared at the way her hips and ribs protruded from her skin. 

“T-Touka!?” Yoriko exclaimed and Touka, not sure what to say, just nodded mutely. Suddenly there was a thud as Yoriki dropped what she was holding and charged at her. Touka stumbled backward into the table. She flinched as Yoriko approached her only to find her pulled into a soft and warm embrace. “God, where have you been? Do you know how much I worried? I thought I’d never see you again. I don’t know what I’d do if I never saw you again. I put up posters and everything but after a year I just...” She trailed off unwilling to finish the sentence but she didn’t need to. 

_ ‘You stopped looking. Stopped caring.’  _ Touka shook the thought from her mind. Yoriko hadn’t stopped caring. This was Yoriko we were talking about. 

The feeling of something wet against her cheek brought her back to the present, “Your really back, right?” 

“Yeah,” As Yoriko held her Touka felt more content then she had in a long time. Hell, she felt safer then she had in a long time. Like there was nowhere else in the world she would rather be. She returned the hug, buried her face in her friend's shoulder and mumbled, “I’m back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Two chapters two days. This is crazy. (Also I felt super guilty for not updating in like forever so here you go)

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my headcanon that because Kakuhou is the thing that makes a ghoul a ghoul and if you put one in a human they become a ghoul so logically thinking if you take the Kakuhou from the ghoul they should become human. So this is my take on what might happen if a ghoul(namely Touka) became human)


End file.
